


the 'lee donghyuck and mark lee are both fucking dumbasses' club

by eckso



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, Fluff and Crack, M/M, No Smut, Sex is only mentioned, The Author Regrets Nothing, annoying friends, asses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28935807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eckso/pseuds/eckso
Summary: “Actually, you’d want it the other way around, wouldn’t you?” Jaemin says, like it’s obvious, and then, “You’d rather Mark fucking-,” he starts.And, because Donghyuck’s life is just like that most of the time, it’s right this instant that Mark (fucking finally) returns with their drinks.“Who am I fucking?” Mark asks, calmly curious, right as Donghyuck almost growls, “Dying. I’d rather Mark fucking dying. Yep, you’re right, Jaemin. Very cool.”
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 40
Kudos: 307





	the 'lee donghyuck and mark lee are both fucking dumbasses' club

**Author's Note:**

> hi i wrote this so i didn't have to write the other thing i'm working on :D
> 
> also, backstory: this specific scenario has been my go-to-before-bed-imaginary-scenario thing for a couple of months now and i wanted to post something short and fun, so have this!!!!!!!!!
> 
> see u afterwards hehe

“I’m getting laid tonight,” Donghyuck says, hands clasped together on the table of the club booth like he’s holding a press conference.

Renjun makes an enthusiastic but mostly condescending noise, swirling the ice around in his drink, and Jaemin ‘ooh’s’, like he’s watching a particularly interesting game of tennis.

“That’s fascinating, considering the last thing Mark said to me before he left to get the next round was that he was looking forward to going home and finishing Harry Potter with you,” Jeno says, in the same voice he uses when he’s accusing Jaemin of using his pout to emotionally manipulate Jeno into doing things for him.

Renjun laughs and Donghyuck tries to keep the scowl off his face.

The fact that Mark is currently over at the bar, standing (what Donghyuck would consider) too close to a pretty girl as they talk to each other, is at least 80% of the driving force behind Donghyuck’s recently decided plans for the evening. However, saying that to anyone currently in this booth will only catalyse another round of passive questioning.

“Well, I’m getting laid tonight,” Donghyuck says, tone toeing the edge of snark.

“Yes, you said that. Are you manifesting it?” Renjun says and Donghyuck looks at him blankly for a few seconds, and then: “Why don’t you just fuck Mark?”

Someone’s scored a point in Jaemin’s tennis game and Donghyuck feels like either snarling at Renjun or kicking him under the table.

“You’ve already had sex with the rest of us, what’s one more? You may as well just finish the set,” Jaemin says, flippantly, like he’s not talking about Donghyuck and Mark having sex. Or the rest of them having sex, for that matter.

Jeno makes a noise like a confused dog.

“You guys have had sex with Hyuck too? I thought it was just me,” He says, eyebrows raised in ponderance. Jaemin coos and pats a consoling hand on Jeno’s knee, who preens, and Renjun snickers into his drink.

“I’ve obviously made a lot of bad decisions,” Donghyuck says, to which Jeno makes an indignant noise. “Hence, I will not be fucking Mark.”

“Someone will be,” Renjun says, staring out of the booth at the girl Mark’s _still_ (there’s an exasperated emphasis on this word as the thought passes through Donghyuck’s head) talking to over at the bar.

Donghyuck clenches his jaw.

He turns back to the group and Jaemin’s already staring at him, eyes tight in a squint. Donghyuck can hear the cogs clunking and thudding in his head from across the table.

Jaemin makes a long, drawn out noise, akin to audible question marks. Just looking at his face, puckered with such concentration that Donghyuck thinks he’s due to start steaming at the ears, pisses him off a little bit. He readies himself to be accused.

“Why does it bother you that he’s taking so long? You haven’t even finished your first round yet,” Jaemin asks, and Donghyuck takes a pointed sip of his drink.

“It doesn’t bother me,” he replies, uppity, and, unable to restrain himself, he casts a quick glance over at Mark & Company, who look so friendly it makes his nose wrinkle.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and turns back to his friends.

Renjun, who’s more observant than Donghyuck has ever liked, hums in consideration.

“Mark would definitely let you fuck him, by the way,” he says, matter-of-factly.

This time, Donghyuck actually does kick him under the table.

See, Donghyuck has known Mark since high school. They’d met in Math class, bonded over neither of them being able to understand algebra for the lives of them and kind of just clicked.

Here, it’s important to note that even before the particular occasion that brought them together, Donghyuck had thought Mark was maybe the best-looking person his little, dumb, 14-year-old self had ever seen.

Hence, 60% due to the convenience of having a friend who just _got_ you and 40% due to the claws of Donghyuck’s crush digging in and keeping Mark close, they stayed friends.

They stayed friends through Mark’s (in Donghyuck’s completely biased opinion) awful girlfriends and braces, and Donghyuck’s clinginess and general difficultness to manage.

By the time they were graduating high school, it just so happened that Donghyuck had absolutely no plans as to where he wanted to go to university. So, when Mark said he was going to SNU and told Donghyuck he’d miss him too much if Donghyuck went somewhere else, he decided he was going to SNU too.

That’s where the other three come in.

Mark and Donghyuck had met Jaemin first, on the first day of their first year of university, when Donghyuck swung open the door of his dorm, having just unpacked Mark’s a few doors down, and was met with a shirtless blue-haired boy stacking his forks in one of the kitchen drawers. His new roommate.

(A worthwhile anecdote relevant to this part of the story explains how Jaemin and Donghyuck happened to have sex one quiet Thursday night in the middle of their first semester of university. Mark, who by now Donghyuck was steadily infatuated with, was rooming with a guy called Jungwoo, who, for reasons Donghyuck can’t explain, absolutely infuriated him. Everything was always ‘Jungwoo this’ and ‘Jungwoo that’, Donghyuck had had it. Which led to him barging in Jaemin’s dorm via their shared bathroom and propositioning him, out of spite. And hey presto, all Donghyuck got when he told Mark was a clap on the back and a ‘Dude, nice!’, with audible exclamation points of excitement. So. Bad decision #1.)

Then Jeno had come second soon after and Donghyuck realised that Jeno and Jaemin were just about a package deal.

(Unfortunately, he realised this when breakfast in Donghyuck and Jaemin’s dorm kitchen the morning after Donghyuck had brought Jeno back to theirs became an interesting triangle of introductions where Donghyuck had found out his latest one-night-stand had been best friends with his roommate since they were both in diapers. Huh. Who knew?)

Since Donghyuck and Jeno had been introduced (formally, not in the dark of Donghyuck’s bedroom at 4am, after a house party), the four of them just ended up catching.

Then, Donghyuck met Renjun.

At this point in their first year of university, Donghyuck had resigned himself to the fact he’s going to have this stupid crush on his idiot best friend for the rest of his life. So, he decided to start dating.

Unfortunately for Renjun, it just so happened that Renjun’s number (whom then was just Donghyuck’s project partner for an Economics assignment that he’d only spoken to only insofar as to exchange numbers to talk project details) was the top of a desperate Donghyuck’s recent messages.

_hello i know it’s 3am but i’m emotionally compromised will you go on a date with me_

_that was a run-on sentence but yeah fine_

_send me that powerpoint template you saved_

And thus ensued a short but sweet (edit: emotionally trying) relationship comprised of majority sex (because they’re college students and, as stated, Donghyuck is emotionally compromised) and minority arguing over the fonts on their presentation slides.

It’s during an episode of the latter, sat in the student library and catching glares from other students because they’re talking too loudly, that Renjun meets Mark.

Donghyuck remembers introducing Renjun to his best friend as his boyfriend, expecting some kind of spontaneous explosion of love from Mark in the face of Donghyuck being taken, but instead he got a hand ruffling his hair and an affectionate (read: the brotherly kind of affection, not anything better. Don’t get your hopes up) coo.

And then, once Mark had left (abruptly, saying he was late for class), he got one of Renjun’s elbows in his side.

“I didn’t realise ‘emotionally compromised’ meant ‘in love with a kid called Mark.’”

And so, the ruse was up and from then on, they were just arguing, without the sex.

But by this point, Renjun had been at far too many breakfasts at Donghyuck and Jaemin’s for him to not be considered a part of their weird little ‘We’ve Had Sex With Lee Donghyuck’ club.

Which brings the total number of members up to a round 4, not including title member Lee Donghyuck, and honorary member Mark Lee (the one who started it all and who Donghyuck still wanted to fuck the most, unbeknownst to him, but very obviously, and frankly, upsettingly, beknownst to anyone who took the time to notice, which is thankfully only Renjun).

“Actually, you’d want it the other way around, wouldn’t you?” Jaemin says, like it’s obvious, and then, “You’d rather Mark fucking-,” he starts.

And, because Donghyuck’s life is just like that most of the time, it’s right this instant that Mark (fucking finally) returns with their drinks.

“Who am I fucking?” Mark asks, calmly curious, right as Donghyuck almost growls, “Dying. I’d rather Mark fucking dying. Yep, you’re right, Jaemin. Very cool.”

Jaemin winks and Donghyuck scoots further into the booth to give Mark space next to him, with a sour expression on his face. Jeno has to put his head in his hands so that Mark doesn’t see him laughing.

“Sorry that took me so long, I got distracted,” Mark says, wriggling a little on the leather seat to get comfy.

“Yeah, well, it looks like she is too,” Jeno laughs, eyes trained out of the booth, prompting the rest of them to turn and watch the girl look at their booth with intent in her eyes, notice they’re all looking, then turn away, her coy smile going a touch bashful. Donghyuck then looks at Mark, who has a weird mix of flattery and embarrassment moulding his face.

Jaemin lets out a low whistle and Donghyuck takes a long pull from the straw of his drink for something to do.

“I’m not looking for that tonight,” Mark states, to the group, then he nudges Donghyuck with his shoulder, “We’re finishing the series tonight, right? I’ve been looking forward to The Final Battle since we watched Part 1 the other night.”

He says it like it’s only the two of them around and Donghyuck’s heart swells just a little bit, his head just about to dip into a nod.

Then, Jaemin says: “Oh really? Hyuck said he was planning on getting fucked tonight, so you’re gonna be watching Snape die alone, unfortunately.”

There’s a glint in his eye when Donghyuck looks up at him, and Donghyuck takes a silent second to pray that Jaemin is feeling merciful. However, it doesn’t matter because Jeno sends the situation right over the edge anyway.

“Unless you two fuck, I guess,” he says, like it’s a worthwhile suggestion to make.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes with a scoff because crying is on the cards if he doesn’t actively do something else and Mark just laughs, loud and good-natured.

“I could be a member of your little club then, right? The ‘We’ve Had Sex With Lee Donghyuck’ club,” Mark laughs, startlingly like he’s been listening in to Donghyuck’s thoughts.

“Yep,” Jaemin says, pleasantly, “It’s a good club too, lots of benefits.”

“Like random, fleeting, mental images of Donghyuck’s bare ass cheeks when you’re otherwise preoccupied with a task,” Renjun supplies and Jeno chokes around a startled yelp of, “Oh my god!!! You get that too???? I thought I was going crazy!!!!!!”

Mark laughs, louder this time.

“Sounds great,” he says lightly and Donghyuck might be sick, then Mark turns to him and his eyes go a shade more serious, “Honestly though, you should have just told me you were in the mood tonight. Saving the Wizarding World can wait.”

Donghyuck smiles, because Mark is excruciatingly lovely, even when he’s being very obtuse and almost blindly, tone-deaf, oblivious.

Then, Mark’s expression shutters and calms, and he slides his virtually full drink over to Jeno, who’s loudly trying to slurp the last few drops out of his own, and starts scooting out of the booth.

“I just got really tired all of a sudden, guys, I’m gonna head back. Am I still all good to stay at yours?” He asks, round eyes on Donghyuck, “Yukhei’s definitely having offensively loud sex with his girlfriend in our dorm right now cos I told him I’d be out late.”

Donghyuck stares and then nods, feeling a bit like he’s made a misstep somewhere.

The rest of the table just quietly watches as Donghyuck fishes his keys out of his jean pocket and hands them to a standing Mark, who smiles softly back and then goes.

Even the girl at the bar watches him leave.

Donghyuck feels a flare of almost out-of-body furiousness and turns back to the table after watching Mark’s back disappear right through the front of the club.

“You just had to mention my fucking ass, didn’t you?” to which Jeno mutters, “Fucking your ass, actually,” which Donghyuck compassionately ignores for the sake of his own livelihood.

“God, you two are literally so fun to mess with, it’s ridiculous,” Renjun says, wiping a fake tear. Then, he catches sight of the fact Donghyuck has gone a very threatening shade of near-purple and must realise the gravity of the situation because his face loses a bit of mirth.

“At least he said it sounded great,” Jaemin intones, and Renjun’s face promptly regains all of it’s mirth as he starts laughing again.

Jeno seems to be the only one who has come to his senses.

“Hyuck, you’re fine. We all know he’s busy at the moment with 4th year shit and stuff, it’s 100% more likely he’s dipped ‘cause he actually is tired than because he can’t stand the thought of your pasty ass,” He says, which, despite the word ‘pasty’ raising his hackles, does calm Donghyuck a bit.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Just, fuck,” Donghyuck takes a deep breath, “That conversation felt like exposure therapy.”

Jeno laughs, and downs Mark’s drink in four gulps.

( ｡+･`ω･´) ( ｡+･`ω･´) ( ｡+･`ω･´)

Donghyuck doesn’t hook up with anyone that night, just like everyone at the table knew he wouldn’t as soon as it was clear that Mark wasn’t going to either.

(Donghyuck maintains that his decision, again, has been made purely independent of anything related to one Mark Lee.)

Which is why it’s only barely passing 1 am when Donghyuck gets home, sans Jaemin.

Mark’s sitting on the couch, swathed in a blanket he’s taken from Donghyuck’s bed and wearing Donghyuck’s old P.E. sweater from middle school, holding the television remote up to a paused The Deathly Hallows: Part One, as if he’s paused it only when he heard the door open.

Donghyuck walks past him into the kitchen to get a glass of water and Mark’s eyes follow him, so Donghyuck can only see a head of messy hair and two big, brown eyes over the couch from where he’s standing.

He downs his glass.

“You’re home earlier than I was expecting,” the eyes say, blinking a couple times.

Donghyuck fills his glass up again and downs that too.

“Yeah, I got bored,” Donghyuck tells the sink, whilst getting his third glass, purely because he doesn’t feel like looking at Mark.

There’s a second-long pause.

“You didn’t end up going home with someone, then?”

Donghyuck shakes his head.

“No. I couldn’t be bothered after you left,” he says, and Mark hums.

“Right,” another pause, “You wanna watch Part 2 then? I wanted to rewatch Part 1 to make sure I was ready but I can, like…” he trails off and Donghyuck smiles, endeared but also just tired.

“No, you’re okay. You can watch it without me though,” Donghyuck offers, trying to put effort into his tone so it sounds less worn than he feels all of a sudden. Mark shakes his head vehemently and his hair swishes around.

“Not the same without you,” he mutters, tone coloured by an audible pout, turned back to the TV to snuggle down in his blanket cocoon again.

Donghyuck smiles, despite himself, and walks back through the living room to get to his room.

Mark clears his throat and then: “Hyuck?”

Donghyuck notices Mark hasn’t un-paused the movie yet.

“Yeah?” He asks.

There’s a pause, where Mark stares at Ron Weasley’s face frozen on Jaemin and Donghyuck’s shitty TV and Donghyuck stares at Mark and wonders what he’s going to ask.

“Why have we never had sex?” which is definitely not at all what Donghyuck was expecting.

Even the little voice in his head goes silent.

Mark, who’s self-preservation seems to have lost out to morbid curiosity, turns slowly from Ron to Donghyuck.

And then they’re just both wide eyed and staring at each other.

Donghyuck feels compelled to say something so he just starts repeating the question.

“Why have we never- um, why haven’t we- how am I meant to respond to that?” He stops and Mark just looks at him blankly, “Because you don’t want to?” He’s a fair share of both but his confusion is overriding his embarrassment.

Then Mark doesn’t say anything for a second, but his eyebrows furrow, so they’re just looking at each other again.

“You think I don’t want to?” Mark asks, like he hadn’t considered the possibility.

Donghyuck blinks.

“Am I meant to have assumed otherwise?” He’s almost incredulous at this point.

Mark doesn’t make a sound, just nods once, a fluid bounce of his head. And Donghyuck screams.

Not a scream-scream, though he could probably use one, just a little screech of frustration.

Mark’s eyes go wide and worried and only get wider as Donghyuck stomps toward him to smack him on the head.

“You fucking- You couldn’t have told me this earlier? You could have been the only fucking member of the club, you fucking dumbass,” he shouts, punctuated with slaps.

“You don’t have to hit me!” Mark says, still a bit alarmed, “What club, you fucking dumbass?” he repeats, emphasis on the name in spite.

“What fucking club,” Donghyuck repeats like he can’t believe it, thwacking his knuckles across Mark’s forehead, “The stupid ‘We’ve Had Sex With Lee Donghyuck’ club! The club only started ‘cause I couldn’t have sex with you! It may as well have been called ‘The People Lee Donghyuck Fucked Instead of Mark Lee Because Mark Lee is a Fucking Dumbass’ club!”

By this point, Mark’s managed to sit up and grab a hold of both of Donghyuck’s wrists so no more hitting can be done, tugging Donghyuck close to the arm of the couch.

“Oh,” Mark’s concentrated face smushes into a dopey smile, “that’s nice to know.”

Donghyuck feels his anger lose a bit of it’s momentum. But he must still look livid enough because Mark keeps going.

“I’ve wanted to join the club since we were 16, if that makes me less of a dumbass,” Mark says, through a soppy grin, and his grip has loosed up just enough that Donghyuck can free himself and get in one last wack across the head.

“It doesn’t,” he grumbles, holding his hands up in surrender as Mark goes to grab his wrists again. Mark grabs him anyway, pulling Donghyuck down to sit on the couch next to him. “But I’ll let you off easy.”

Mark smiles and reaches around Donghyuck to turn off the TV.

( ｡+･`ω･´) ( ｡+･`ω･´) ( ｡+･`ω･´)

Several hours later, after Mark had been made a true, no longer only honorary, member of the ‘We’ve Had Sex With Lee Donghyuck’, they’re laid cuddled together on the couch, having not wasted time moving earlier.

Donghyuck hums in contentment, twisting where he’s held tight against Mark’s front to kiss his shoulder then turning back and getting comfy. Mark squeezes him around the middle and presses his nose into the nape of his neck, lips pressed lightly to the very top of Donghyuck’s spine.

Which is how Donghyuck feels it against his skin when Mark says, low, raspy and smug, “I can’t wait to see your ass in my mind when I’m doing the washing and shit.”

And it’s also how he hears, loud and clear, the yelp then giggle Mark lets out when Donghyuck reaches behind himself to flick Mark’s ear.

**Author's Note:**

> hello again so there's that
> 
> how do we feel please provide a rating and any thoughts in the comments because i genuinely only write in exchange for hearing what ya'll think about this shit so PLEA SE
> 
> i hope this wasn't awful :/


End file.
